Writing a eulogy is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. You're grieving, your mind is clouded, and now someone has asked you to stand up and speak about the person you lost. It's a heavy weight. But it's also a gift — a chance to honor someone in a way that no one else can.
If English isn't your first language, it can feel even more daunting. You might worry your words won't sound right or that you won't find the right phrases. I've been there myself, fumbling for words that never seem to capture what you really feel.
Let me help you break this down into something manageable. Something real.
What a Eulogy Actually Is (and Isn't)
A eulogy isn't a biography. It's not a dry list of dates and achievements. It's a portrait — a collection of moments, qualities, and memories that show who a person was.
Think of it this way: you're not giving a lecture. You're sharing the person the way you knew them. The way their laugh sounded. The way they made coffee. The silly thing they always said.
The best eulogies are honest, warm, and human. They make people cry, but they also make people smile.
Step 1: Gather Your Raw Material
Before you write a single sentence, sit down and make notes. Ask yourself:
- What is the first memory that comes to mind?
- What did this person love doing?
- What did they teach you?
- What phrase or habit were they known for?
- How did they treat others?
Don't worry about order or elegance here. Just write everything down. Even the small things — especially the small things. Often it's the quiet details that hit the hardest.
If you're struggling, talk to family and friends. Ask them for their favorite memory. You might hear something that makes you laugh or cry, and that's exactly the kind of material you need.
Step 2: Find Your Thread
Once you have your notes, look for a theme. Not a complicated one — just something that ties things together.
Maybe the person was endlessly curious. Maybe they showed up for people when it counted. Maybe they just knew how to make life feel lighter.
You don't need to state the theme directly. It can run quietly underneath. But having it in your head will help you decide what to include and what to leave out.
Step 3: Structure It Simply
A eulogy doesn't need fancy structure. Three parts is enough.
Opening — State who you are and your relationship to the person. Keep it short. "I'm Maria, and I had the privilege of being David's sister for 38 years." Then thank everyone for being there.
Body — This is the heart. Pick two or three stories or qualities. Don't try to cover everything. One good story is worth more than ten average ones. Describe a moment. Let people see the person through your eyes.
Closing — A final goodbye, a thank you, or a hopeful thought. Something like: "I'll miss you every day, David. But I'll carry you with me, always."
A Note on Tone
In English, eulogies tend to be warm rather than formal. You don't need grand language. Simple words land harder.
Compare these:
Formal: "The deceased was a person of remarkable integrity and generosity."
Warm: "Sarah was the kind of person who would drop everything to help a friend. I saw her do it a hundred times."
Which one feels more real? The second one, right? That's what you're aiming for.
Phrases That Can Help You
If you're unsure how to say something, here are some natural English phrases that work well:
- "One thing I'll always remember about [Name] is..."
- "The thing about [Name] was..."
- "I keep thinking about the time when..."
- "What I learned from [Name] is..."
- "I know I'm not alone when I say..."
- "If [Name] were here today, they'd probably tell me to stop crying and get on with it."
That last one? Perfectly fine. Humor belongs in eulogies as long as it's gentle and in character.
Delivery: Reading It Aloud
You will be emotional. That's okay. That's normal.
Write your eulogy out fully, but don't try to memorize it. Read from your paper or phone. Nobody expects you to speak without notes.
Here's the practical part — practice reading it aloud three or four times before the day. You'll find sentences that trip you up. Shorten them. You'll find parts where you need to pause. Mark them.
When you're up there, take your time. Breathe. Look at the audience if you can — but if you can't, look at the back wall. It's fine. What matters is that you speak the words, not how polished you look.
A Sample Eulogy (Short and Real)
Good morning. For those of you who don't know me, I'm James. I had the honor of calling Linda my best friend for twenty years. Thank you all for being here today.
Linda had this way of making you feel like you were the only person in the room. I remember once I was going through a horrible breakup. Before I could even finish telling her, she was at my door with ice cream and a terrible movie. She didn't try to fix it. She just sat there with me. That was Linda.
She was also the least patient person I've ever met. She'd press the elevator button three times, as if that made it come faster. She'd complain about slow Wi-Fi like it was a personal insult. And we all loved her for it. Because she was real.
I'm going to miss you, Linda. We all are. But I'll see you in the small moments — in the bad movies, the good ice cream, and every elevator I get into.
That's it. That's all you need. Four minutes. Honest. Human.
Final Thought
You can't say everything about a person in five minutes. And you don't have to. Pick the moments that matter, speak them with your own voice, and trust that the people listening will fill in the rest with their own love and memories.
If you're writing a eulogy in English and it's not your first language, give yourself credit. You're doing something brave. Your accent doesn't matter. Your grammar doesn't have to be perfect. What matters is that you showed up and spoke from the heart.
Want to feel more confident expressing yourself in English? At English Measure, you can test your reading, listening, writing, and speaking skills for free. It's a simple way to see where you're strong and where you could use a little more practice. Take the free test here.
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